Divorce is a difficult process, but perhaps the most emotional part is determining who gets custody of the children. Within the atmosphere of a divorce, it is easy for emotions to run high and for you both to start trying to find a way to “win.” With custody matters in New York, however, the focus should not be on winning and losing.

As explained by the New York Unified Court System, when a court makes custody decisions or signs off on an agreement, it does so with the best interests of the child in mind. The court does not consider what makes you or your ex-spouse happy. It focuses solely on the children.

The true winner

With the focus on creating a custody agreement that is good for your children, the court looks only to what is the ideal scenario for them. The judge may even talk with your children to get their feelings on the matter. In any case, the ultimate goal is to put the children in a situation that promotes the healthiest environment and allows them to have meaningful relationships with both parents.

The loser

The person who will lose in a custody situation is the one who cannot focus on the needs of the children. If one parent wants sole custody of the children just to punish the ex-spouse, then he or she will likely end up the loser. The court can notice the signs that a parent trying to use the children against the other parent, so doing so only creates a losing situation.

The most productive way to approach a child custody matter is to put the children first. This helps to remove that win-or-lose attitude from the situation.